i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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