Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
