so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize