Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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