i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
