Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
