I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
