My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
