We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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