My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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