I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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