Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
