IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
