So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
