i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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