the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
