Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
