i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
