its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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