If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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