Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
