she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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