y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't turn off my feet"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
