I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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