My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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