We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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