dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
