Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize