and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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