Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
