You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
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no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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