I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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