I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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