You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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