Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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