There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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