So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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