it hurts more in the daytime
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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