I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
