I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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