I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
