I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
