dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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