can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
