it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
