it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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