Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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