When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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