He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
