Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
