after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
