If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
