Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
