I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
