yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
