I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
