don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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