I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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