My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
