i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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