If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
