It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
