I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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