I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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