Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He kissed a someone with a penis
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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