At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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