I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
