I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
