he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
