So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
