When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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