he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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