Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
